Can I tell you I’m a mess? Can I tell you that even though I’m a mess, I’m a child of God? Can I tell you that I’m starting this blog because for years I have been like the Prodigal Son? Like Naomi and her husband who left the homeland when times got tough instead of waiting on the Lord to provide. And now, like Naomi, I’ve returned to my Father’s dwelling to experience joy, grace, and peace and comfort in His presence.
Can I tell you I want so badly to have a heart like Ruth?
Ruth, who trusted blindly. Ruth, who was of noble character. Ruth, who told Naomi “Where you go, I’ll go”.
Ruth, who was redeemed. Ruth, who was blessed.
Can I dare to tell you this isn’t easy?
I struggle daily with the laying down of self.
This is why I want to write, this is why I want to share my journey as a prodigal daughter going back to her Father’s house, head bowed, heart humbled, knees bending:
Because I have gone in search of greener grasses, only to end up in a dry desert. I have tasted the milk and honey, only to have it sour my stomach. I have have gained worldly riches, only to become spiritually poor.
And I did all this even as a Christian.
But God, in His mercy, has never turned His back on me. Like the parable of the Prodigal son, He’s welcomed me back with open arms. Why did I ever doubt He would?
Why did I forget home is where He is? That resting at the feet of Jesus is the only place true peace is found.
And I did this even as a Christian.
This dying to self everyday is hard for me, but it shouldn’t be, because see…
Like Ruth, I’ve been redeemed. Christ died on a tree to set me free.
And there’s a difference between knowing Him and knowing Him. Knowing Him is where the joy is. Knowing Him is where the grace is. Knowing Him is where the peace is. Knowing Him is where freedom is. And now that I know the difference, I never want to leave home again.
And I’m on this journey, and maybe you are too, and I’ve stumbled plenty, I still do.
I want to encourage others, who like I, have been discouraged. If you’ve felt like you’ve gone too far from Home and there’s no way back, there is, and He’s waiting.
I want to grow in grace, because really, our relationship with God through Jesus is all that matters and do we ever stop needing to grow? Do we ever need to stop cultivating the soil that is our soul, so that the spirit of God that is within us can grow tall and bear fruit? The answer is no.. we should never stop.
So this begins my journey to learn to trust Him, to walk by faith not sight, to keep on running even when I stumble, to find joy in the little things, to extend grace to others, to forgive and forget, to live life abundantly while there is still life to be lived, to have a heart like Ruth.
It’s a little scary to put my thoughts out here on the world wide web for anyone to see. But I feel in my personal journey, this will help me and in the process..maybe it will help someone else. Because I am learning the key to spiritual growth is to be completely honest with ourselves before God and everyone else.
What about you? Have you, as a Christian, strayed away as a sheep does from the Shepherd at times? Do you long to have a deeper relationship with Christ? Do you feel unworthy? Let’s talk about it.