In two days, I will begin a journey to the mountains to stay in the cabin by myself. This cabin, booked just last week, was supposed to be my honeymoon. Just two days later, I learned that the person I loved and had spent the last two years of my life with, did not feel the same way. Rings were already bought, a small ceremony planned, and excitement of a future living happily ever after was in the air. And in an instant, the wind was knocked out of me. Once again I find myself trying to pick up broken pieces of my already fragile heart and glue them back together. Once again, I’m left with unsanswered questions, emotions reeling and a need to trust God like never before.
I know He has a plan, and I know that He loves me, and I know that He is always working in my life so that through any experience, whether good or bad, He will be glorified…if only I trust Him.
But this is where I have always struggled, and I know He knows, and I know His grace is sufficient.
I believe that He’s teaching me something. Too much in my life have I placed my own value in what a man has thought of me. I give and give of myself until I lose myself in the process, just so I can make someone else happy. I KNOW this, yet I repeatedly do it.
I’m positive this stems from something in my childhood, and I could probably see a psychiatrist and they could probably have a field day with me, but I’m not going to do that.
I’m going to that mountain-top alone, because for the first time in my life, I’m actively seeking Him. And I felt immediately that this was what I was supposed to do. God knew before I ever hit the confirm reservations button that this was going to happen, He knew when I unchecked the option for travel insurance.
I know I can seek God anywhere, and I have been. I know that He has never left my side, throughout all of my mistakes, but I feel Him leading me there.
So, I’m stepping out of my comfort zone. I’m traveling to unkown place, and alone. With only myself, my Bible, a few good books, coffee, and a heart that’s willing and ready to spend time in Him, and Him alone.
He proposed to me before He ever knit me in my mother’s womb.
And even though I said ‘yes’ early on, I’ve never fully committed to our relationship. In all His grace and all His mercy, He’s loved me anyway.
For your Maker is your Husband—the Lord of hosts is His name—and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; the God of the whole earth He is called.- Isaiah 54:5
Yes…my Maker is my Husband, and after all these years together, it’s time we took our honeymoon.